Little Guy Alive, A Zombie Preparedness Guide

Crunchy Relief

admin — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:06:42 +0000

Everything you know and love is gone, but you’re taking this pretty well.

Better Than Brains

admin — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:04:27 +0000

In addition to contemplating zombies’ supposed preference for brains, we can also speculate on their other palate preferences.

Nacho Best Bet

admin — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 01:00:37 +0000

Typically, Doritos change one’s skin orange, but in some cases, they help you translate with those who have green-ish decaying skin.

Worse Than Divas

admin — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:18:24 +0000

Maybe you should have a snack.

Vagabonds and Golden Shovels

admin — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 05:16:09 +0000

It remains to be seen how realistic these plans are for a little guy survivor, but at the very least, these renderings can provide inspiration for our ragtag, on-the-fly constructions.

2011 Zombie Safe House Competition Winners!

Impact-Smart Hard Drive

admin — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:39:58 +0000

Thank goodness for the impact-smart hard drive!!!

My Neighbors’ Fencing

admin — Mon, 14 Nov 2011 22:19:59 +0000

As I have been out jogging in my neighborhood, preparing my cardiovascular system for the end of the world, I have paused, huffing and puffing, to whip out my camera and take pictures of my neighbors’ gates, walls, fences and yards. Sometimes I even let my baby join me in a jogging stroller while I pause and aim a lens at my neighbor’s private spaces. My father embarrassed me many times in the name of photography, and I see no reason not to pass this family tradition along. How willing this tree of hardy individuals is to document and prepare despite common social norms that discourage survival is almost noble. We shall persevere.

If my neighbors hole up in their homes and depend upon their gates to keep zombies out of their domiciles, which of my neighbors will be dined upon first?

Fake fences that go nowhere will be of absolutely no use in the post-apocalypse.

Worse, fake, flimsy fences may actually trap the undead against your home, once they amble to investigate your windows.

Not all fashionable fences are failures, but some offer only eye appeal and no survivor zeal.

Hey, zombies, come on in. This gate even squeaks in the breeze to help draw them closer.

If you can saunter easily through the gaps, so can the undead.

Bare Minimums:

This chain link will help keep a few shamblers away from the home, but could not stand up to a prolonged attack of any force.

While this fence may keep a golden-retriever inside, it may not be sturdy or tall enough to keep zombies out.

At least the stairs are somewhat blocked, but this fancy gate is not as stable or serious as the surrounding wall.

Cracks and degradation bode poorly for long-term survival.

At first, this moat/drainage ditch will keep zombies off of your fence, but soon you will have a pit full of writhing undead stuck near your home, attracting others.

Nice Technique:

While not reinforced, this is a fairly effective, common and socially-appropriate way to keep the undead away from your house's walls.

Simply adding a fence to your retaining wall can vastly increase your level of protection.

But be sure that you are not driving fencing into your retaining wall in a damaging way. Do you see where this crack in the defense begins?

Foliage is not your enemy. Use it wisely to prevent contact with your flimsy fence and to hide visibility.

You can incorporate landscaping or trees into your fencing.

Or shrubbery can BE the fence. It is not easy to see or stumble through.

Not all decorative fences are a total disaster. This one is reasonably sturdy and comes with a suspended battering device to knock piled zombies backwards.

While this is not the fence you want protecting your home, it will be a great asset for your garden.

While this wall is far too low, it is admirable to be able to free-style stack without much mortar.

Supplies stacked for fencing repair projects will be a common and reassuring sight.

Hands-Down Winners:

A solid fence, with proper drainage and a sturdy gate. Bonus: outdoor storage with roof and drainage.

WOW. Wonderful fence with tinted windows and optional lighting. Bonus: purple!

Tall sturdy walls with multiple access points, not just a front gate, for emergency escape and admittance will be the gold standard in anti-zombie construction.

Please plan your landscaping, fencing and gates accordingly.

Shoes that Track Shufflers

admin — Fri, 28 Oct 2011 02:47:58 +0000

GTX Corp‘s new GPS shoe is hoping that “ambling seniors” with dementia “may not shuck their shoes,” so that they can be tracked on their wanderings via a chip implanted in their loafers. Not only can you track grandma before she dies, but you can track her after she reanimates, as well.

Everybody knows that the elderly pose a serious risk in scenarios when all of the dead rise from their graves, but now, instead of shirking or locking your seniors away, you can just chip them! Even if they die in their sleep and stumble out the screen door, you’ll be able to find out where they’ve gone to get their guts. As long as the power remains on, GTX might as well market reverse alarms to alert the household incase of Grandma’s return.

Is anyone else concerned that one secret service or another is going to do epidemiology studies by chipping the walking dead and letting them loose in a mostly-doomed small town and noting where they go?

BING Zombie

admin — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 03:39:02 +0000

We are all doomed if the undead are capable of using search engines.

Bodyworlds

admin — Fri, 21 Oct 2011 03:29:53 +0000

If the coming of the living dead is Romerian in nature, and all of the dead, recent and not, claw out of their graves when a burst of strange radiation blankets the globe, Bodyworlds will vastly improve the face of zombie aesthetics.

In the late 1970s, Gunther von Hagens developed a flesh-preservation technique called “plastination.”

“Plastination is a technique or process used in anatomy to preserve bodies or body parts. The water and fat are replaced by certain plastics, yielding specimens that can be touched, do not smell or decay, and even retain most properties of the original sample.”

So, on the one hand, if the rising dead includes plastinates, perhaps their brains will not be as impaired and they will not be violent nor crave living flesh.

On the other hand, perhaps they will be just as evil and they just won’t smell as badly.

Either way, I will always be haunted by the vision of a skinless zombie riding on a horse laid bare. Gzzzah!

And what if the thin educational slices re-enervate?

If you’re really dedicated to finding out, you can donate your body and let us know what it is like from the other side.