First things first.
We are going to need an endless series of skills in our quest to survive the zombie apocalypse, but what will we need in the beginning?
I will probably be at home when the first, second and third waves hit. While the rest of the world burns itself out, I will be hiding indoors with my non-perishable food supplies. If you have an office job or if you travel urbanely a lot, your cubicle or hotel room will function much the same way as my stocked and fortified basement. If you are regularly in public or outdoor spaces, you may find the future sections on Wilderness Tactics and Emergency Fortification more helpful. Look for them in future months.
My home base windows will be blocked, so hand-to-hand combat and grappling won’t be necessary skills until much later. I don’t advise leaving your home base until the initial stages of the emergency have past, so we will be losing some of our cardio and distance abilities while we remain safely inside. To entertain ourselves during the quiet, solitary period before we emerge to scavenge, rescue and defend, we will need a few good books, some ear plugs, a deck of playing cards and to build our flexibility and strength.
(For survival basics – including non-perishable food and playing cards – see Basic Resources.)
Calisthenics can be performed in relatively confined spaces and can help us use our own body weight for resistance like the Greek Gods did, or at least like Spartans going to war, which we will be shortly. Calisthenics help prevent deadly injuries. They encourage joint flexibility and stability and improve posture, machete-swinging range and molotov-throwing form. They can increase our ever-important will to live despite wearing outfits that allow for maximum breathability and seam integrity. Looking strident in sensible workout clothing has always been a confidence booster, and you will need this ability even more when the undead roam the earth.
Not only will calisthenics be the first activity we need during the apocalypse, but they are excellent exercises to break us into our serious Pre-Apoc Training. I have made myself a checklist of calisthenics exercises to perform daily, and it looks like this:
I have taken into account my recent and historical injuries and problematic areas when selecting the exercises that I will perform for at least one week before attempting Basic Cardio or other more strenuous activities.
I have recently carried and given birth to a small human, so I bring prenatal and midwifery skills to the post-apocalyptic table, but my abdominal muscles need special attention, and I have selected plenty of sit-ups and core-focused exercises, like the Crab Hold, which is like crab walking minus the walking.
Because my abs are currently less than ideal, I also tend to hurt my back a lot and make loud old man noises that could give away my position to one or more of any number of enemies as I move through the disaster scape of the future. Abdominal workouts will help correct this, but I have also added press-ups, the seal pose and some bends that cross my midline.
Historically, some typical jogging annoyances, such as shin splints and knee pain have plagued me. To help prevent these turn-me-into-bait pangs I have selected some foot turns, foot presses and standing leg lifts to fortify muscles that can be neglected by running proforma.
Variety is the spice of the survivalist life, so I also like to collect activities with titles so funny that they encourage me to regularly participate. Who doesn’t want to do a Mountain Climber (arms extended push-up hold while quickly alternating which knee gets bent and brought to your chest) or a Burpee (standing with arms in the air, dropping to a squat, then a push-up hold, then return to the original jubilant stance)?! When we eventually proceed to Advanced Calisthenics, we will discover the joys of such dynamic stretches as The Beheader and The Healthy Whore.
I have never had an arm or shoulder injury, so I will content myself with stretching and strengthening them via old standards like push-ups and the Thinker Hold (instead of hands and knees, you go elbows and toes).
Stretching all major and most minor muscle groups is vital before and after every Pre-Apoc Training workout. Any minor injury, strain or sprain can be a mortal wound after all of the lights go out. Take care of yourself. You can find some basic stretches and calisthenics here and here. Pick out an interesting and well-rounded routine. Make yourself a checklist chart. Perform every exercise everyday for at least a week before we embark on Basic Cardio, and continue them daily hereafter to help prevent bait-makers.
I am headed to Pittsburgh next week, where I will perfect my calisthenics, review Airplane and Port Safety and cover some basics of Infested Hotel Living.
